Infusing Ayurveda into Love Languages: Your Valentine’s Day Guide
All things LOVE are being amplified in the air right now as Valentine’s Day approaches. Along with that are many feelings from gratitude to loneliness. And where ever you may be on that spectrum, I see you. I’ve spanned the gamut, too, from being deeply, head over heels enamored to a heartbroken, fatalistic, sobbing mess. Lately, those who know me have probably heard me say, “I love love!” Because I really do! I love showing love, spending time with my loves, gifting trinkets and concert tickets to my loves, cooking for my loves…and more.
To be sure, this oddly didn’t come naturally for me. There was hesitancy and uncertainty in my great desire to love and be loved unconditionally. It took time to cultivate. As I moved further along my path, I realized that the adage about needing to ‘first love yourself before you can love another’ held quite a bit of weight, power, and perspective. It helped me slow down and tend to my heart first, so I could better offer what I intimately felt and embodied - mind, body, and soul.
It’s interesting to think that for our entire life we have been, and forever will be, in a relationship - to ourselves. The longest and most loyal relationship we’ll ever know. Ever. The quality of this vital connection is very much built on the principals that we easily hold in our intimate external relationships: trust, honor, care, respect, forgiveness, and love, to name a few. However, implementing that paradigm and those practices towards ourselves somehow, at times, feels more difficult and daunting.
So, below, I’ll offer some ways to take the embodiments of love and care into action towards both yourself and your loved ones. These are things I personally do, or have tried, that have served me well or enlivened my life and relationships. I hope they do for you, too and move you ahead in your adventure of loving.
Where ever you’re at on your journey, remember, the more love we give (including to ourselves), the more love comes into our lives - and that’s always worth the effort.
Be of Service:
To Yourself
Create a sacred space in your home - one that truly nourishes you, inside and out. Pick a place you spend time in or use daily: your tea or coffee station, a nightstand drawer, your back porch, a reading nook, your most used bathroom drawer, your makeup or dressing area, etc.
Clean it out, spruce it up, and make it a place you can’t wait to go. Consider adding a vase for flowers, updating the jars you store things in, cleaning the makeup brushes, adding a cozier pillow, bringing in color or art on the walls. Or scrap everything, create a Pinterest board, and start from scratch. It’s up to you! This enlivens Prana, balances Kapah, and is a good way to support your root (muladhara) chakra.
To Others
Prepare their favorite hot tea or coffee. Or offer something new like a tea based on their needs (tulsi and gotu kola for stress, ginger and turmeric for digestion, peppermint for invigoration).
After a long day, greet them at home with a warm foot soak. Add herbs like lavender and Epsom salts to calm their nervous system while playing some of their favorite soothing music.
Lovingly cook a meal chosen to balance their dosha and support their digestion - or make their favorite comfort food! :)
Create a bedtime ritual by diffusing calming essential oils, making a cozy tea, and guiding them through a wind-down meditation. Sleep is a core pillar of wellness, according to Ayurveda.
Connect Physically:
With Yourself
Abhyanga is beautiful self-massage practice that has helped countless people connect lovingly to themselves. It has the added bonuses of providing lymphatic drainage support, promoting healthy circulation, relieving stress, improving immunity, and creating calmness. It’s recommended to use cold pressed, organic oils you may have that is then heated and massaged from head to toe.
Tip: Use circular motions on your joints and long sweeping motions on the rest of your limbs always aiming to move towards the heart.
Oils for the Doshas
Vata (dry, cold, restless) → sesame oil with calming herbs like ashwagandha or brahmi.
Pitta (hot, intense, sensitive) → coconut oil with soothing rose or sandalwood or another favorite floral.
Kapha (heavy, sluggish, cool) → mustard or sunflower oil with invigorating eucalyptus or ginger or clove.
With Others
Give a hair oiling session for a deeply nourishing and relaxing experience. Castor oil is great for scalp and hair health and sesame oil is deeply grounding.
If oil in their hair is undesirable, allow them to lay their head in your lap and run your fingers through their hair and massage their scalp.
Offer Abhyanga to your person. The same rules apply as above.
Speak Gratitudes:
To Yourself
Positive affirmations are equivalent to a pep talk from your best friend. They give you the reminders and fuel you need to pursue the hard things, realize your dreams, stay the course, and overcome obstacles. This will build ojas (resiliency and strength) in your heart.
>Think of an area where you struggle, are hard on yourself, feel like you’re floundering, or want to improve.
>Then, imagine that you are your best friend. What would you say to them to help them along? How brightly can you shine your light onto their/your magnificent potential?
>Write that down and post it somewhere you’ll see it, often.
To Others
Tell your loved ones what you appreciate about them or what they do - it’s wildly important! Communication and feedback are key (every day of the week). Speaking to the positive often gets overlooked. But if you keep the positive at the fore, it can set the tone for all interactions that follow. Here are some prompts to help.
I appreciate the way you…
It really meant a lot when you…
You really helped me out when…
I felt supported/happy/seen/loved when you…
The way you _____ makes me feel _____ …
(My favorite) Thank you for letting me be me and loving all of me.
Share Intentional Time & Space:
With Yourself
Make time to enjoy your own company. Take yourself out on a date, go on a solo adventure in Nature, take a bubble bath, journal, meditate, take a solo trip, go see the movie you’re curious about, pack a lunch and go on a picnic, do something you’ve never done before, take a lesson. This is an edge for many, so start small if that’s the case. This is a time where you can rediscover yourself and who you are. This has the potential to fuel the flame of awe and excitement the way nothing else can. Go play and see how the world meets you.
With Others
Make a “date” to…do literally anything. Ensure that when you’re together your are fully present and emotionally available. Set an intention for your time together: to laugh, play, reconnect, discover something new, feel light, etc. Take a walk in your favorite park, soak in a bath, go for a hike, go on a vacation, complete a project, get your nails done, visit a museum, have a board game challenge, exercise, take a yoga class, throw pottery - almost anything you love to do together will work. Talk, connect, ask questions, listen, look them in the eyes and let them know you’re with them.
And remember this crucial step: ditch your phones completely or put them on DND. Your heart (anahata) chakra will thank you.
Offer a Loving Token:
To Yourself
Yes, go indulge a little. Buy that little trinket that you’ve had your eye on that you normally wouldn’t, if it’s in your budget. If you’re crafty, create your most elaborate or exquisite piece for YOU. I recently did this. I made a mala for myself using my most expensive beads made of tourmalated quartz. It felt surprisingly good and was an important reminder that I, too, am worthy of treating myself to my talents sometimes.
To Others
Be thoughtful in your choice. Consider your beloved and what may bring them joy, rather than what the cool thing of the moment or tradition points to. The monetary cost is truly irrelevant. This could be purchased or handmade by you. It’s the energy of the intention and purity of love that matters.